Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I want to fling myself into the sun
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
