is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
