I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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