did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
