Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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