Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
