your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
