I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
