Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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