I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
