I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
