Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
