Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
