If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
