Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Enjoy the penises
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
