I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
