you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
