Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
