So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
