i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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