i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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