your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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