just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
