the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
