my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
