omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
