she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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