Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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