Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
