i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When are your genitals available?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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