I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
