Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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