Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
