Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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