I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
