also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
