i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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