i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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