so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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