Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
