shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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