he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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