ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
