Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
