Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
