I could make wine with my vomit
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
