census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize