Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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