I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
