did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
