Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
