we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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