I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
