five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
