well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
