Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
