he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
