she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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