it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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