You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
