He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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