Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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