kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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