Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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