I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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