i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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