so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
