I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it because I queefed?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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