she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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