And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
