Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
