i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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