What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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