I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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