I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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