Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
