Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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