I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
