While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
