your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize