you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
