I hate all girls vehemently.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
