TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
