I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
