I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
