Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
