but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
