When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
