do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
