I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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