I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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