At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
