I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
