u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
