The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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