i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
