I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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