Banned from zoo.
Again?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
