i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
